Explain each of the five stages of relational de-escalation. Give specific examples to illustrate

each of the stages using Belinda and Matt who have been married for 5 years, but their
relationship has begun to crumble.

What will be an ideal response?

The first stage involves turmoil or stagnation. If the couple experiences turmoil, they
begin to engage in conflict. When the relationship stagnates, the couple begins to take
one another for granted, and they may go through the motions of an intimate
relationship without the commitment or joy. For example, Belinda and Matt?s
relationship begins to fall apart as tension increases. They hardly ever communicate
and when they do, it seems like they?re always fighting. They live together, but it
doesn?t seem like either of them is truly invested in the relationship, but they are
definitely not ready to call it quits.
Next, in the de-intensification stage a couple may experience less interaction, increased
physical, psychological, and emotional distance, and no longer depend on one another
for self-confirmation. They might also discuss their dissatisfaction within the
relationship. For example, Belinda and Matt?s relationship continues to worsen. They
rarely talk and no longer take joy in one another?s successes or provide comfort for one
another. Belinda and Matt increasingly turn to friends for support and talk about their
dissatisfaction in the relationship to friends and family members. Belinda finally
confronts Matt and asks him if he sees the marriage continuing.
Next is the individualization stage. In this stage, couples begin to move from ?we? and
?us? to ?you? and ?me?. Physical intimacy is very low or nonexistent and nonverbal
distance increases. Belinda and Matt decide that their marriage does not have a future.
They no longer attend gatherings together, and Matt now sleeps on the couch while he
looks for another place to live.
In the separation stage, the individuals take intentional steps to eliminate further
interpersonal communication. In Matt and Belinda?s case, Matt moves out of the house
and the divorce is finalized. If they do meet, their interactions are strained.
Finally, in the post-interaction stage individuals engage in ?grave dressing? or create
public statements explaining why they broke up. Individuals come to grips with losing
the relationship and begin re-building a sense of self-worth. This stage is important
because relationships, even failed ones, have a powerful impact on how we view
ourselves. Matt and Belinda begin to explain to co-workers, friends, and family why
their relationship failed. Belinda begins getting involved in more activities in her
church and makes new friends to help overcome feelings of loneliness and low
self-esteem.