Your roommates Dennis and Abdullah got into a heated argument over a stand-up comedian the other day. Abdullah thought that one of the comedian’s jokes stepped over the line, while Dennis thinks the point of comedy is to push the envelope. They ended the fight with hard feelings. Use your knowledge of the skill set for improving verbal communication to provide Dennis and Abdullah with the tools to reconcile.

What will be an ideal response?

As Dennis and Abdullah approach the conversation, they should make sure to avoid you-messages and focus on using I-messages. This will make sure neither of them puts the other on the defensive right away. They may also want to try to engage in indexing; they got mad at each other in the moment, but normally they respect each other. Dennis should remember that he and Abdullah usually share a sense of humor; perhaps there was a particular piece of the joke that pushed it over the line for Abdullah. Abdullah should remember that Dennis is not necessarily expressing agreement with the joke. It is particularly important to engage in perspective taking. Dennis should realize that some jokes are harmful to people who are members of marginalized groups, while Abdullah should remember that Dennis’s experiences mean that the potential harm that jokes can do is less salient to him.