Explain each of the five stages of relational de-escalation. Give specific examples to illustrate each of the stages using Belinda and Matt who have been married for five years, but their relationship has begun to crumble

What will be an ideal response

The first stage involves turmoil and is characterized by increased conflict as partners find faults in each other. The definition of the relationship loses clarity. Conversations are tense, difficult, and forced. Matt and Belinda find themselves wondering what has happened during the last five years. Belinda never realized before how many annoying habits Matt has. Matt is working longer hours and when he does come home, their time together is tense.

When the relationship stagnates in the next stage, it loses its vitality and the partners begin to take one another for granted, and they may go through the motions of an intimate relationship without the commitment or joy. Communication and physical contact decrease, but they don't necessarily fight. At this point, the relationship can still be salvaged. Matt and Belinda stopped having their weekly date night and aren't really missing it.

Next, in the de-intensification stage, a couple may experience less interaction, increased physical, psychological, and emotional distance, and no longer depend on one another for self-confirmation. They might also discuss their dissatisfaction within the relationship. For example, Belinda and Matt's relationship continues to worsen. They rarely talk and no longer take joy in one another's successes or provide comfort for one another. Belinda finally confronts Matt and asks him if he sees the marriage continuing.

The next stage is individualization. In this stage, couples begin to see their lives more as "you and I" rather than "we and us." Physical intimacy is very low or nonexistent and nonverbal distance increases. Belinda and Matt socialize as individuals, and they increasingly turn to friends for support, and talk to friends and family members about their dissatisfaction in the relationship.

In the separation stage, the individuals take intentional steps to eliminate further interpersonal communication. In Matt and Belinda's case, if they do attend family gatherings together their interaction has noticeably changed. Belinda files for divorce, and Matt moves out of the house.

Finally, in the post-interaction stage individuals engage in "grave dressing" or create public statements explaining why they broke up. Individuals come to grips with losing the relationship and begin rebuilding a sense of self-worth. This stage is important because relationships, even failed ones, have a powerful impact on how we view ourselves. Matt and Belinda begin to explain to coworkers, friends, and family why their relationship failed. Belinda begins getting involved in more activities in her church and makes new friends to help overcome feelings of loneliness and low self-esteem. Their divorce is finalized.