Identify three ways to express dissatisfaction in your relationship competently. Give an example of each and state why it would be better than a more negative approach

Answer:

The way a message is framed influences how it affects the recipient. The intensity and hurtfulness of the message impact the degree to which the recipient feels injured. Intensity refers to the degree of emphasis with which a speaker makes his or her claim (McEwen & Greenberg, 1970). For example, "I am miserable in our relationship" is more intense than "I am not as happy as I once was in our relationship." In addition, the harsher or more negative the language ("I can't stand the sight of you"), the more painful the message is likely to be (Tracy, Van Dusen, & Robinson, 1987). On the other hand, when a hurtful message is framed in a humorous manner it is perceived as less harsh, and recipients experience less intense feelings and less hurt than when a message is offered seriously (Young & Bippus, 2001). Finally, the context in which the message is delivered can impact the recipient's feelings of injury. Hurtful speech that occurs when the dyad is alone may be painful, but if it occurs when others are present, that pain and discomfort often is intensified (Miller & Roloff, 2005). Hurtful comments, by definition, are attacks on the recipient's identity, so the presence of an audience can worsen the feeling of being denigrated plus add feelings of embarrassment. Despite how painful they can be, at times we need to convey negative messages to our friends and romantic partners. Sometimes friends break rules we see as fundamental to a friendship, and we must address the issue to maintain our closeness. At other times we need to terminate a relationship with our romantic partner. Although it is unlikely that one could find a way to convey these messages painlessly, there are better and worse ways to communicate them.