Melanie ran an ad searching for a potential roommate to split the rent on a two bedroom

house. Stephanie answers the ad, and Melanie suggests that they go out to eat lunch to assess
their compatibility as roommates.

At lunch, conversation starts off light, discussing where
they grew up, etc. Then, Stephanie abruptly changes the topic of the conversation and
discloses a time when she was sexually assaulted. Melanie is surprised that Stephanie is
disclosing such intimate details since they have just met. Following Stephanie?s
self-disclosure, there is an awkward silence, and then Melanie changes the subject. Melanie is
doubtful that they will get along as roommates. Discuss what happened in this incident in
terms of reciprocity, appropriateness, and risk of self-disclosure.
What will be an ideal response?

Since they had just met, Stephanie should have assessed what would be appropriate
and inappropriate to disclose. In the early stages of a relationship, we are trying to
reduce our uncertainty about others by finding areas we have in common. In this state,
self disclosure is usually not at a deep level. Melanie probably thought the details of
Stephanie?s sexual assault were inappropriate at this stage of their relationship.
Stephanie should be aware that as relationships progress and trust develops
self-disclosure can deepen, but it can be damaging early in a relationship. Stephanie
also took a risk to make herself vulnerable. If she had assessed the risks, she may have
decided that the disclosure was not worth the risk. She did not really know Melanie
and that level of trust had not been established.