A female friend has been in an unhappy marriage for years and is now contemplating divorce. She is concerned about possible effects of divorce on her two school-aged children. What advice and suggestions would you offer her, based on the text research?

What will be an ideal response?

First, she might consider staying married for the sake of the children ONLY if she and her husband are not chronically embroiled in fights. If she does decide to divorce, she should expect to feel guilty about breaking up the family and have trouble explaining the situation to the kids. Specifically, she might consider taking these steps: (1) Explain what has happened in a nondestructive way ("Daddy and I just haven't been getting along... We love you more than anything . . . ," and so forth); (2) consider giving the children some input into custody arrangements, but understand how emotionally difficult it may be to force them to choose to live with mom or dad; (3) strongly consider shared custody (and allowing liberal overnights with the dad) ONLY if her former spouse is a good parent. Most important, take care to NEVER badmouth her ex-husband and/or use the children as pawns to get revenge. Her job is to be the best possible caregiver, as the quality of her mothering is what matters most.